Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Ethridge, TN

I want to live where the green grass grows. There is something so rejuvenating even thinking about being in the country and riding in the car with the windows down and skinny dipping and just being free. Anyone who has never lived near the country won't understand this feeling, and I pity them. There is nothing more beautiful in the whole world than watching the sun set over an open field of wildflowers in the summer.


Waiting.

You can get so confused that you’ll start in to race down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space, headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place…for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go or a bus to come, or a plane to go or the mail to come, or the rain to go or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow or waiting around for a Yes or No or waiting for their hair to grow. Everyone is just waiting.
Waiting for the fish to bite or waiting for wind to fly a kite or waiting around for Friday night or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake or a pot to boil, or a Better Break or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants or a wig with curls, or Another Chance. Everyone is just waiting.
 - Dr. Seuss; Oh! The Places You'll Go

This post is more as a sense of therapy than it is for your enjoyment, so if I were you I'd just skip over this one and just read the poem at the top. Lately for some reason I've had the mean reds. If you don't know what those are then you need to watch "Breakfast at Tiffany's" immediately. I feel like everything around me is as fragile as a house of cards, and with a single sneeze or the blink of an eye everything could fall. I don't know why I feel this way, except past experiences that seemed a lot like this at first all led to the same thing-- nothing. It's hard not to be cautious when everything seems to be falling into place and so perfect. My favorite line is "Everything's going great but..." and then comes the killer. Part of this feeling is probably coming from beginning a new stage in my life and having no idea where I'll be at this time next year (mentally, physically, everything). Sure, I've got everything planned out now, but at the same time everything seems to be hanging on a thread. It's quite terrible feeling like you're in some sort of limbo phase. In one window- everything is perfect and dandy and you know you shouldn't even think about complaining but in the next window- you're scared. scared that if you're too naive or allow things to be too wonderful without being cautious then it's going to be even worse if everything does crash down. This leaves you with the option of trying to realize what the problem is and possibly sabotaging it all, or letting everything just float by and run its course without your input or questions. Whenever I feel this way I can go on a walk, and by the end I feel all better and refreshed. But right now it's raining. And I have lots of packing to do. And studying. And paper editing. I just want to get in bed and read my kindle.